Women's Nook
I’ve just spent a day at the SWF. It’s a stimulating event with lots of people and ideas floating around. Lining up for sessions and listening to the snippets of conversation around, having a coffee or simply sitting to the side and watching the passing parade are some of my favourite things when I’m there, and buying books of course. Here are three talks I went to.
Bettina Arndt
So – it seems that sex does sell, no matter what your age. The queue to see and hear Bettina Arndt, clinical psychologist, sex therapist and social commentator was very long and consisted of all ages.
For her most recent book The Sex Diaries, Bettina asked 98 couples in Australia to keep records of their intimate negotiations over sex in order to find out more about what she calls ‘the reality of domestic sex’. (Esther Perele, a sex therapist in America calls it ‘mating in captivity.’) You might recall that Bettina’s book sparked lots of debate when it was published recently and I was keen to hear more.
Bettina’s survey found that sex can become a major issue for many women, and their male partners, who are in long term relationships.
She discussed the female libido with thoughtfulness and humour, in some instances referring to it as a block of damp wood that is hard to ignite which got a big chuckle from the audience.
She stressed her belief that it’s all well and good to identify issues and problems in our sex lives but finding mutually satisfactory solutions, whilst difficult, is important. According to Bettina, sometimes it’s as simple as ‘just letting go and doing it!’More laughter from the audience.
Judging by the questions at the end of the session many women, and men, connected with issues raised in the book. Knowing you’re not alone in facing similar problems seems to be helpful but as Bettina pointed out we have to take the next step and work on personal solutions. Her next book will deal with older couples and intimacy. She obviously feels there is much material to work through.
Along side Bettina during the session was Linda Jaivin who has written an historical novel A Most Immoral Woman which sounds like a raunchy read. It’s based on a real woman, Mae Perkins, who certainly did not ‘mate in captivity’. She led a single life of overt sexual freedom at the turn of the C20. The contrast between Mae’s story and that of the women in The Sex Diaries highlights the question Bettina asks in her book: ‘What happens to sex in domestic life?’
Dr Norman Doidge
Hundreds of people turned up to hear Dr Norman Doidge talk about his book The Brain That Changes Itself and what the new buzz word, neuroplasticity, means for us all. It refers to the indisputable fact that your brain can go on changing and developing right into old age, if you continue to stimulate it. The audience was enthralled as Dr Doidge explained, in simple terms, what is really cutting edge neuroscience, not a topic many of us are familiar with.
I had to smile later when I was buying the book, two young women asked me what it was about. I gave a brief explanation – thank heavens I’d been to the talk – and as they moved on I heard one say to the other “I think our mothers should read the book – it might help them a lot.’ Indeed.
I thought you might like to hear about some of the observations made by Dr. Doidge during his talk:
Caroline Jones
Caroline Jones is so well known in Australia, after years of working for the ABC, that she probably doesn’t need an introduction. Many of us welcome her into our homes every Monday evening as she introduces Australian Story.
In her latest book through a glass darkly Caroline explores the grief she felt after her father died. Her ability and willingness to communicate her love and loss of her father will be appreciated my many because we all have to face grief in our lives. Her manner when speaking is so appealing you really feel as if she is talking to you personally.
Caroline was at pains to explain that her book is very much her personal story. Probably one she wrote for herself as much as for a wider audience. However, I think some of her observations are true for us all:
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